[livejournal.com profile] daylightfadings "The miserable have no other medicine but only

Aug. 19th, 2005 08:43 am
not_the_shell: (dark_wesley - illy as fred)
[personal profile] not_the_shell
Upon waking, I saw that Wesley was still lying beside me with an arm wrapped around my form... so unlike our coupling before when his body would turn from mine and I would wake alone and unwanted. Yet, something was still... wrong. This new form that yet was not new had not solved everything -- after all, had I not wished to be Fred completely? To be mortal so that the others here would understand me, accept me, perhaps even...

Even care for me?

Slipping from the warmth of the covers and changing into the costume of clothing that the witch had bestowed upon me, I left the room and sought out the one who had ignored me more than any other. Ever since Los Angeles and the loss of my temple, my army... ever since the strange lies Wesley and I had formed...

The seer had shunned me.

She sought to cling to the mortal she had lost, yet thanks to the witch -- her comrade had returned. I could not be Fred utterly and completely until I learned all that I needed from the seer -- until she accepted the mask I wore permanently and I could accept both of our odd human emotions that sought to tear us apart.

Slow steps lead me to where I felt her essence, yet I could sense that she was... disturbed. Her energy that surrounded her was wrong...

"Cordelia."

The voice that was mine and yet not spoke, and the denim of my jeans pierced the silence of the room as catlike steps brought me closer to my goal. I sat beside the seer, brushing aside the unruly brown locks of hair that now framed my face as I studied her, attempting to discern what exactly was troubling.

What could I say? What could I do? Everything within my chest ached, but words were not my friend at the moment.

How do mortals reach out to... no. How would Fred reach out to her? Her voice was still silent within my head, and so a God-King was left alone, struggling with uncertain feelings that led me only to one who was once a Higher Power and had tossed it aside to reintegrate with the mortals she loved.

Like me.

My eyes strayed from hers to my hands, twisted within the folds of the shirt I now wore as Fred, as I pieced together my thoughts. I... I needed her help. How humbling to realize that I required her help and it was fully within her power to reject me again...

"I am uncertain of my place here save for my time with Wesley... I had hoped that perhaps... perhaps you could..." Brown eyes locked with the seer's finally as I choked the words out.

"... help me."

((Open to Cordelia))
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