[livejournal.com profile] daylightfadings I'm crying icicles instead of tears...

Apr. 25th, 2005 12:07 am
not_the_shell: (half_minds - broken)
[personal profile] not_the_shell
The energies around me flowed in and out, around and under, yet never truly touching.

Wesley...

My arms, both bandaged and bloody, were not the proof of humanity that I sought.

"You and I... we're connected. It's not something either of us can walk away or push away from, even if we wanted to."

And yet you had, Wesley... you ran, ran as far from the truth as possible. Ran, just as the other Slayer was running from Faith now, instead of embracing truth before you as Xander had done with Anyanka... oh yes, I had learned much from speaking to the other mortals here.

"Fred... My love..."

I had walked to our bedroom and found it empty, the sheets a tangled mess from the last time our bodies had come together, meshing as one as we both lied to ourselves.

"I love you... always..."

I had curled onto the bed but for a moment, inhaling the scents and clinging to the lie myself now, wishing my powers were still with me so that I might reverse time and never speak the words to Wesley that I had.

Wesley with tears in his eyes, scotch on his breath, lies on his lips... it was preferable to being alone.

"I need you..."

Fred, the words were both of ours, yet it was not enough, never enough for him, never... my hands had reached into my hair, plucking forth blue strands by clumps to rid myself of me so that only brown locks would remain.

Holding the hair in my hands, I left the bedroom once I knew Wesley was approaching. No, it would not do for him to see me this way yet, would it, Fred? No, but I knew what must be done now...

"Goodnight, my love. Goodbye again."

Illyria would die, and Fred would live. A spell should suffice... simple, really.

Then... why was there an ache within me when I had that thought, Fred? Why does it... hurt to think of me losing myself so completely? Why? Why does it have to be done, Fred? Tell me! Why must I die?

"Please, Wesley... why can't I stay?"

The tendrils of blue floated to the ground as I ignored the pain in my arms and the tears on my cheeks.

September 2006

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