(Pre-write solo for [livejournal.com profile] daylightfadings)

Feb. 9th, 2005 11:46 am
not_the_shell: (lollobrigida - liestruth)
[personal profile] not_the_shell
My eyes had shut, but my mind was whirling.

A revelation, truly, was all I could think of what had occurred. Yet, Wesley was oblivious to it all. Tomorrow night, the lie would continue and during the day, we would seek to battle demons and half-breeds, trying uselessly to convince ourselves that these lives we led had some meaning.

There was always the love that reeked off him, yet now it was covering me as well. Surely he saw? Surely he could feel, could sense it?

No. No, he would lie to himself and to his so-called comrades. The vampires would not care, but the seer would. She had come to take him away, to pull him from me and remind him of the truth, of Fred.

Did they not all understand that what he adored never existed?

I stood and walked slowly to the veranda, breathing in the air with my eyes shut as my own form returned, the brown curls replaced by long waves of blue. If I chose, I could be Fred for him forever - always, even in the daylight when untruths were more difficult to conceal.

Yet that was not what he longed for, nor I.

He longed for a mortal he never knew, never fully understood. I understood the Shell far better than he! I knew her thoughts, feelings, memories... was there love? No. There was a glimmer, a... beginning of something that might have been, yet he clung to it as if it were his lifeline.

It would be better if he were dead than living as such.

Wesley would never see the truth of my words, though. He would condemn me, banish me from his side as further punishment to himself for his supposed failure to save the creature he believed he loved.

"Lie to me."


No, not any longer. Now that I cannot lie to myself. Whether I am lost, adrift and lonely in this world once I tell him so... I was uncertain.

Perhaps it would be best to fall to my knees without my army or guide, though, than with a crutch keeping me steady while he fell himself.

Is this what humans truly call love? Then... why?

Why was it so painful?

September 2006

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