Feb. 21st, 2006

not_the_shell: (samlfice - wesillyria - breakdown)
Walking, steps twisted and catlike, my body followed my feet while my mind raced in a feeble attempt to understand. To comprehend...


He sat there on the ground, shrill noises emanating from within and seeping into crevices in the walls around us. Laughter. Laughter and... something else. Something other. Had the visitation from Fred damaged his psyche completely?

Her voice, her thoughts, her memory... she. Within me forever until I clawed at the skin that barely held my essence, barely contained me. I wished her gone! Why could she not leave me alone? Why was her legacy the memories and human emotions I loathed so much?

Yet, the witch's spell had conjured her from the dead somehow to assist me. I knew in that moment I was not alone. I was not the one that the vampire and the others hated... no, I was needed. Perhaps not by them, but in the battle to come, I would be needed.

Why did I wish for them to need me so? They were vermin, lowly and beneath me, and yet... as I stood over Wesley, watching the madness within his eyes fill him, I knew it to be true.

"Wesley," I commanded, my voice stronger this time. Yes, he was my guide, but he was lost, trapped in a dark place that could have been my prison if I had not learned the truth. Yes, I would be his guide, leading him from madness.

He had his moment with his beloved, and she was gone. Had they truly ever loved one another? Did that matter to me? No. No! These emotions were dragging me down from the stars I wished to dance upon. I would not be human, yet I could not be Illyria.

I suppose, I mused to myself, I would discover who I would be somehow.

"Stand up. Do not degrade yourself in this manner. Do not let the small amount of respect that I hold for you be lost because of a shadow!" I grabbed Wesley's arms and pulled him upright, shaking him a few times as my eyes glazed over. Contemplating violence upon him, I tossed the thought aside on the wind. I knew my course and my words.

"Would she wish to see you act like this?"

September 2006

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