Apr. 24th, 2005

not_the_shell: (Default)
I looked up the definition of 'friend' once, so very long ago. I had been in China at the time, before the destruction of my brothers in the Deeper Well... back when I was still searching, seeking, trying to understand humanity and yet trapped within the world alone.

Without my guide, without a soul, and I had sought the meaning of the word 'friend'.

According to The American Heritage Dictionary, there are several meanings.

friend, noun.

1) A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2) A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. 3) A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.


There had been more, deeper meanings reaching into so-called ancient roots of the word itself. One had meant "lover", another version said "peaceful ruler"... yet they all had been unfamiliar to myself until now.

I had my brothers who slept peacefully in the Deeper Well, yet a closeness, a kinship had never been formed betwixt us. In that moment when Wesley had held Willow and... me... a near-electric charge had passed through me as their energies - once so foreign - had seemingly melded within me, filled me up, and made me... whole.

These two were now my friends, my allies, the ones I trusted, the ones in my cause against Cain.

Yet there is more than The American Heritage Dictionary understands, for now I understand. I have found mortals who accept me - whether it is completely as I feel it is so with Willow, or begrudgingly as I know it is so with Wesley...

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea...


Wesley, whose eyes are still as dead as Winifred is.

A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he...


I shall never have his love. I shall never have him, and I must accept that just as he has accepted my presence in his life. My gift of his journal to him. My... friendship.

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings...


My life will be forfeit if necessary to save Willow or Wesley and ensure the death of Cain. That is my gift of friendship to them both... yet I do not plan on dying. I wish to see the world, travel, share ice cream with Willow while Wesley brings yet another movie for us to watch...

I have been told when next we meet, it shall be Monty Python. I am uncertain what it means, but perhaps there is more to learn as I had gleaned knowledge from Moulin Rouge, from the many times I had watched the frail woman, blood on her face, in the mortal man's arms... dying again and again as he knew she would leave him yet clung to her nonetheless. Clung to a love he could not have... yes, I had learned much.

This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to Love and be Loved in return."


The greatest thing in my life, however, was the love of a friend. Of Willow. Yes... of Wesley.

And... it would do.

September 2006

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